we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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