A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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