I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
