okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
