apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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