Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
