Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
