It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
