It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize