You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
