Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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