Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Your dad touched me again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize