Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
