one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize