Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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