so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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