Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
