she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
