All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
