absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
