I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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