the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
