I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
