I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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