When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
