the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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