im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
