Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
