can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
