yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
