Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize