I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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