my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
