He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
