Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
