Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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