I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
