I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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