What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
