Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
