why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize