I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
