I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
