I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
