I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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