If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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