I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
