I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
