So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
