I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
