her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
where are you?
Hypothermia
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
