She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
