by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize