now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
