That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
