If i come over, it means nothing
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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