What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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