i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
