so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
