I cannot find my penis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Church boner. Awkwardddd
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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