so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
