Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize