Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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