If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
