I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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