I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
