she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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