Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
