She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize