someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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