I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
