I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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