You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
