went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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