So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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