Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
