physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
