Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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