you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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