I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
