she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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