i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
