At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
