There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
