Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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