Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
