forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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