I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize