the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
